Wednesday, May 19, 2010

More Than Monotony

Sometimes I have moments...okay, days....where I feel like a hamster in a wheel.  Always running but never going anywhere.  Sometimes it feels like an endless drudgery of making meals and running errands and cleaning up again and again and again.  And I wonder what we are all doing running around going to the grocery store and cleaning the bathrooms and paying the bills and on and on. Sometimes I miss the point.

Yesterday was one of those days.  It all seemed so monotonous. 

When all the kids were in bed we watched a little TV and then went to bed too late for no good reason.  And just as we were settling into bed my baby woke up.  She was congested and crying and wanted to be held.  She layed on my chest, climbed all over me, held her blanket and tried to get comfortable.  When she was finally calm I tried to take her back to her crib.  But, she wanted to be with me.  For hours we sat together.  She didn't feel well but she was okay if I would just stay close. 

As I tried to get her back to sleep I heard a noise down the hall.  My son had gotten up.  He was whimpering in the bathroom because he had worn his "MAX" costume to bed and now he had to go to the bathroom and was too tired to figure out how to get it off.  I made that costume for his birthday, one of my first big sewing projects, and he loved it last night just as much as he had on his birthday.

 I helped him while my runny nosed toddler held on to my leg.  Then, my little guy put his MAX costume back on, grabbed his crown (which he had apparently decided, even in his half conscious state, that he needed to have...even in the bathroom) and stumbled down the hall and back to bed.  I followed and tucked him in and gave him a kiss. He was already asleep when I left the room and one look over my shoulder revealed my little king of the wild things, in costume, and ready for anything.

An hour later I was still trying to get my littlest back to bed.  After one last attempt my husband ( apparently feeling sorry for me) got up and cradled her in his arms and went downstairs.  I fell asleep and awoke forty minutes later when he returned successful.  Together we went back to sleep, knowing that morning was only hours away.

And this morning we started again, only a little better.  Because when I walked out into the sunshine this morning to take the kids to school I saw things a little differently.  I felt the warmth of the sun on my face.  I recognized the feeling that my little ones needed me and that every time I held them or tucked them in or read a story I was changing their lives.  I am a builder.  That's my job.  I am a comforter and a guide and a strength and a support.  My role is not monotonous.  If I think it is then I am missing the point entirely.

So today I will enjoy it all.  Enjoy the fact that I am making dinner.  Enjoy that moment when my husband walks through the door. Enjoy the sunshine and the laundry and the chance to comb hair and tie shoes and be alive.  Enjoy the fact that in every moment I have the opportunity to make things a little better and to create happiness.  Because it all matters.

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